DJ, podcaster, and beauty editor Louise McSharry joined Sundays with Miriam on RTÉ Radio 1 to discuss recent life events – coming out as gay, marriage separation, weight loss, and a new career as a podcaster with Catch Up with Louise McSharry. Listen back above.
"It was the most difficult thing I've done in my whole life, and I've faced a fair few challenges along the way," Louise told Miriam of her coming out to husband Gordon Spierin.
"It was really difficult because it wasn't just something that impacted me," she continued. "I think, ultimately, doing something that you feel you have to do because you know that it's your truth, and you know that, really, you have one life and you can't waste it - and also it would be dishonest not to be truthful about it - but also knowing that it's going to hurt someone you love very much and potentially your children...
"I mean, it was terrifying. It took me a long time, a lot of therapy, to even get to the point where I could do it."
According to McSharry, just uttering the words 'I think I'm gay' was something that took some time to come around to and resulted in a lot of tears.
"It was a really hard thing to externalise, at all," she explains.
Reflecting on when the realisation of her sexuality came about, the Dublin woman says it was something that revealed itself gradually.
"I thought every woman was like me," she muses, noting that she always had a curiosity about dating women in the back of her mind.
Eventually, it was Gordon who pushed the mother of two towards further self-exploration, asking the question: do you think you're bisexual?
Although at the time she agreed that she likely was, the label never quite hit the mark for McSharry.
"That made the question mark appear in the back of my head, and then that question mark started getting bigger and bigger."
As the years went on, the podcaster said her thoughts on her sexuality became "completely consuming", and that the resulting feelings of "dishonesty" weighed heavily.
"I couldn't not say it out loud anymore," she surmises.
It was around this time that the couple's housing situation was changing, and the family were considering buying a home. It was this that prompted Louise to have the "excruciating" conversation that changed her life.
"It was the most difficult conversation I've ever had in my whole life," she insists. "And the year afterwards was awful. Like, I cried every day for seven months."
Three and a half years later, McSharry says she feels extremely comfortable living her life as a gay woman and embracing her place in the LGBTQIA+ community, but acknowledges that, at the time, it felt like "an excruciating truth to live with".
"Not because of any internalised homophobia," she adds. "It was just that the hurt that I was causing was almost unbearable."
After discussing the topic at length, and spending some years figuring out their own feelings on the subject, the couple decided to share the news with their two sons, Sam and Ted.
"Honestly, they've kind of taken it in their stride," she says. Although they had some questions, the boys have ultimately settled into their new normal with relative ease.
In January of this year, Louise moved into a new house, starting her new chapter. She purposely bought nearby to ensure that the kids could easily go between the two homes, and that the family could all spend time together without much hassle, something that both Gordan and Louise have prioritised.
"We're establishing new boundaries and new dynamics in moving forward, obviously, but 'good terms' feels too formal," she says, insisting that she and Gordon have remained incredibly close.
"I don't even like when people refer to him as my ex," she says. "I'm not even comfortable with that because that feels very, like, he's not relevant in my life, when the reality is we're still such close friends, we parent together, we spend a lot of time together, we still socialise together."
"We are great, great friends, but that was hard won," she adds. "It wasn't easy, and it didn't happen overnight."
"I'm really proud of me and Gordon," she surmises, reflecting on their journey as a family. "I'm proud of him, I'm proud of me, I'm proud of us because we did work at it. Our kids were just the number one priority from the get-go."
You can listen back to Louise McSharry's interview on Sundays with Miriam above.
